The Meaning of Helpful Help™

“It’s only helpful if it helps.” I know you can think of moments when a friend, a relative, or someone in your life has given advice or tried to help in ways that did not feel helpful:

• • • You catch a bad cold and have no energy. Your spouse goes out of their way to pick up groceries so that you don’t have to do it. It is very thoughtful, but what would be truly helpful for you is if they brought home takeout or cooked dinner.

   

• • • You are caring for an aging parent and becoming overwhelmed with managing their care and your other responsibilities, leaving very little if any time for your own self-care. Your sibling offers to schedule a visit to a nursing home. But you don’t want to stop caring for your parent. You just need a break. What would be truly helpful for you is assistance with care a few hours a week so you could have some time for yourself.

   

• • • • Your teenager’s behavior is negatively impacting their relationships and schoolwork. Their school counselor tells you they can help and sends you a website link for an out-of-state residential program. But you don’t want to send your child away. What would be truly helpful for you is therapy for you and your teen so that you can understand why they are behaving the way that they are.

     

I’m guessing that these examples remind you of similar experiences in your own life. Were there times when the “help” folks offered was not helpful to you and even created more challenges for you? This is an all-too familiar experience for the families and communities we connect with at Graham—families who face difficult obstacles caused by poverty, racial injustice, and lack of access to educational opportunities, living wage employment, quality healthcare, and affordable housing. 

In the child welfare sector and other human services, well-intentioned professionals often suggest the kind of help they think families need. And these recommendations often become expectations and even mandates. Parents who are involved in child welfare-related programs are standardly required to attend parenting classes when what would be truly helpful is help in finding a quality afterschool or childcare center so that their children have good care and supervision while they are at work. A teen might be expected to participate in talk therapy because they “act out” during school time, when the help they really need is one-on-one tutoring so that they can understand their coursework better. The list goes on. 

Through reflection and active change, Graham has evolved our practice to begin with the premise that families are the experts in their lives—families know what their most urgent needs are, what has worked for them and what hasn’t. With support, they can uncover the strategies that will help them heal and grow.

There is a lot of great help to be found in human services. And there is also help that comes with strings attached, surveillance, or a sense of shame. It is hard to accept help that makes you feel bad, help that questions your love for your children, or help that makes you jump through hoops. At Graham today, our primary goal is to provide helpful help™ that is rooted in listening to the folks we are helping. This helpful help™ responds quickly and adapts to each unique situation. This helpful help™ lightens the load, making space for an individual or family’s dreams and offering the tools and resources to help them achieve their goals and realize their dreams!

Your support for Graham can make it possible for us to continue to dream alongside the children and families we reach—to dream of communities that are resilient, healthy, and hopeful. 

Thank you for joining us in providing this helpful help™ to children, families, and communities.